Picking Up the Pieces
by factionless-tribute
Summary: Post-CoLS. Alec is forced to come to terms with the fact that everything he had with Magnus is over. And it's all his fault. He collects his stuff from Magnus's apartment and leaves the key on the dining room table. Returning to the Institute, Isabelle is there to help him heal. But will he ever be the same again?
1. Broken

**So I had finished reading City of Lost Souls. And I couldn't get over Magnus and Alec's break up. Like, seriously, this is the first break-up in a book that has ever left me this empty. I was so shocked. Like I had literally read through the last ten or so chapters, screaming "WHAT THE HELL!" at my bedroom mirror. But reading this, I was shocked, literally shocked. So instead of having to wait until 2014 to see where the break-up went from there, I had to write out my feels.**

**I'm still kind of undecided as to whether this will stay a one-shot or become a multiple-chapter story. ****I apologise if some people seem a little out of character. But I do hope you enjoy it! :)**

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After Magnus left me in the train tunnel, I went out and tried to seek revenge on the woman who played me, who ruined everything I had with the one person I loved who loved me back the same way. But after that little girl told me she killed her, I went numb. Sure, I was mad at her for avenging the person I desperately wanted to kill. But I also just felt empty – so empty.

I stayed there at that subway station for what seemed like forever, my witchlight the bright glowing light in the dark. I was shaking so hard I could have shattered to pieces right then and there. But I didn't. Instead, I stood up and walked back to the apartment, to collect my stuff and leave.

It was a wonder that I didn't break down and cry right when I saw Magnus walking away from me, his back turned on me. I couldn't cry. I was too numb to cry. It was all my fault. I don't know why I trusted Camille. It was stupid, so stupid. I trusted the wrong person. I should have trusted Magnus, who loved me and cared about me in ways no one ever has before. But instead, I put my trust in Camille, who had already cunningly deceived me and tricked me.

And I was paying the consequences.

I didn't feel like me, walking back to his apartment. It felt like I was watching another person do this, a person who looked like me. It felt like I felt what he was feeling, but it wasn't me. It wasn't real. But this isn't a dream. Everything that Magnus believed about me, had felt about me was over, and I was going to erase myself from his life.

I wonder if it was really true. Was he really thinking about giving up his immortality just to be with me? To stay with me and grow old with me? Why didn't I trust that he was? I knew that I was desperate for him to stay with me. I was so damn afraid that he would just move onto another Shadowhunter or Downworlder after I was gone. I didn't want to just be another person, just another past lover to him. But I didn't trust that he loved me enough to think these things through on his own. And that was my biggest mistake.

I reached his apartment fast. Its location was branded onto my brain, and making my way there from anywhere was as automatic as breathing. I turned my key in the door and walked up the steps to where Magnus lived. I looked around, and breathed in the scent that had become home to me in such a short time. Closing the door behind me, I started to collect my things, like wiping traces of chalk from a blackboard.

And all through this, I didn't cry either. I just silently walked through the apartment, taking what was mine and packing it into my large duffel bag. All my clothes from the drawers. All my things from the bathroom. Magnus's cat, Chairman Meow, followed me through the apartment as I took my things and packed them away, my movements almost robotic. Once I was sure I had everything, I found myself back in the living room, writing a note for him.

_I should have trusted you. I realize how stupid I was and I truly am sorry._

_I love you and I will never forget you, Magnus Bane._

I didn't sign my name at the bottom because I knew he'd know it was from me. I also didn't include the part about Camille being killed because I knew he'd find that out soon enough. Folding the note in half, I placed my key on top of it. I patted Chairman Meow goodbye before breathing in the scent of Magnus's apartment one last time and closing the door behind me. Then I walked out of the building and towards the Institute.

I really didn't know what to believe, or what to think as I walked towards the Institute and away from everything I had with Magnus. I again felt like I was watching someone do this, feeling someone go through this emptiness. But I still knew it was me. And I didn't know what to think about that.

When I entered the Institute doors, I immediately went to where my family lived and where my room was and put my stuff there. Then I wandered aimlessly through the familiar halls, having nothing to do in particular. I still hadn't shed a single tear yet.

Then I ran into my sister, Isabelle. She looked very caught by surprise to see me.

"Alec! What are you doing back here? I thought you were living with Magnus now," she said.

And I guess that's what unravelled me, being reminded that I should have still been with Magnus. Because I burst into tears and slipped to the ground. Isabelle knelt next to me, rocking me back and forth as I wept. It should have felt weird for me, because I'm older than her and I should be comforting her when she cried. But she's Isabelle, she never cries. It should have felt weird, but I was too exhausted and too shattered to think about it.

Isabelle picked me up off the ground and took me back to our part of the Institute. She made both of us coffee and told me to spill everything. So I did. I told her about how I was insecure about Magnus's past lovers, and how I didn't want to be just another lover to him. And how I was so desperate to keep him with me that it led to my selfishness. I told her about how I trusted Camille, but should have trusted Magnus because he trusted me and loved me. I told her about everything that happened in the train tunnel, how he said it was over and told me he never wanted to see me or any of us ever again, and how he was sick of being our pet warlock. Then I burst into tears again, because he was never just a pet warlock to me. He meant more than that to me, and I felt ashamed that he felt that way.

After I was finished, Isabelle spoke.

"I'm just going to come out and say it. Alec, what you did was very stupid. But I understood that you were insecure and desperate," she said. "I understand that. I don't blame you for that. And I can see how sorry you were for hurting him. But as much as you wish it, nothing can take back what you did. No rune, no spell. So I guess what we do now is pick up the pieces. And I will be here for you. Jace, too, when he gets better."

And then she hugged me. I hugged her back tightly, because I loved her and I needed her strength and her steadiness right now. And I appreciated that she had decided to stand by me and help me heal, even though she was family and that's what family members do.

But deep down inside, there was this part of me that would never feel whole again without Magnus. Without his blazing bright personality, the way he looked at the world and how the world looked at him. There was still this part of me that desperately needed what only Magnus had given me.

Even though I had Isabelle and Jace here to help me heal, I knew there was this part of me that would never be the same again.

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**I really hope you thought that was good. Please favourite and review, I'd love to hear your opinions.**

**Thanks for reading, guys :)**


	2. The Dream

**A/N: So since you all liked the first chapter so much, I decided to continue the story. Thanks for all your reviews and feedback. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! :)**

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Sleep was peaceful. It felt good to escape from everything and rest. But as I wake up in the morning, the emptiness creeps back in and I feel just as I did when I fell asleep.

I lie in bed, wondering what I am going to do today. All my thoughts lead me back to Magnus's apartment, and I see myself standing at his doorstep, ready to explain everything. But he said he never wanted to see me again. And I have to respect that. I loved Magnus. I loved him enough to come out with it, to tell everyone that I'm gay. And now he's gone, it feels like he's taken part of me with him.

I grasp my head in my hands. I think I'm going insane. I'm a shadowhunter, I'd have to have something to do with my life.

Just as I'm ready to fall asleep again, Isabelle barges into my room.

"Alec, get up."

I say nothing.

"I mean it, Alec, get up."

I don't say anything else. But I know Isabelle, she'd be determined to stand there all day. I shut my eyes and relax, letting Isabelle stand in the doorway. I'm just about to collapse into a nice nap when I feel something hit my body hard. My eyes flash open and I see that Isabelle is on top of me, straddling my hips, her gaze burning into my eyes. Her hands grasp the sides of my head.

"Alec!" she shouts. "You can't do this to yourself! You're stronger than this, I know you are."

I tear her hands away from my head and push her off me. I crawl into a sitting position and face her, looking into her dark eyes.

"No. Isabelle, it isn't just that. It isn't just the fact that he left me. I loved him enough to make our relationship known. But now he's gone, I can never be the same person I was before I met him. I will never be looked at the same again. Not by mom, not by anyone on the Council. They will only see me as the homosexual shadowhunter who dated the High Warlock of Brooklyn."

Just by looking at her, I know what she is going to say next. "Forget about them! Alec, this is only about you-"

"I can't, Isabelle! You know me well enough to know that I care about what they think about me. I used to not care when I was with Magnus, just because he didn't care either. And I felt ok with who I was when I was with him. But it feels like that's over now."

Isabelle grasps me by my shoulders. "I don't mind that you're gay, Alec. Because really, since you've come out, you've been more confident. You can say it was because of Magnus as much as you like, but I will never believe it. You've changed, Alec. _You _have changed for the good. And I will always love you, no matter who you are or who you're with. Not just because you're my brother, because you're a good person."

I look up at her, and I smile, tears in my eyes. "Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me. It's true."

She pulls me into her and hugs me, like she did yesterday. Then we pull apart, and she stands up, brushing herself off.

"Well, since we're not doing anything much today, let's fit in some training. I'll be in the training room. If you're not out of here in five minutes, I'm coming back here to kick your ass."

I grin at her. "That's my Isabelle," I say.

She smiles her usual sweet, sarcastic smile, then waltzes out, slamming the door behind her.

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I stay true to my word, arriving at the training room decked out in my gear in five minutes flat. She's swinging around that gold whip of hers. I see a station near the wall, a nice wooden bow, a sheath arrows and a target. Isabelle smiles at me. I smile back, then briskly walk over to the station, itching to get my hands on the weapons.

I get a hold of the bow. The wood is dark and smooth, feeling familiar in my hands. Then I string it and grab an arrow, pulling it back then firing it towards the target. It lands near bullseye. Not quite on it, but near. I then go into my shooting zone, reaching back for arrow after arrow from my sheath, pulling it back on the string and firing it. The tension in my shoulders as I pull the string is somewhat relieving and therapeutic to me. I get nearer and nearer to that middle red circle, before finally hitting it on my last arrow.

I feel that uplifting feeling, that feeling I only feel after shooting. Like I'm invincible, like I can do anything. And it feels good, after everything that has happened. I finally feel happy again. Isabelle smiles at me, glad to see me normal again.

We spend most of the day training together. After archery practice, we both spar with swords. Isabelle beats me, since swords aren't exactly my forte. Then we both go through agility and speed training. I like training with Isabelle because it helps me push myself to my limits, competing against my sister. And right now, it's helping me keep my mind of recent events.

Afterwards, we go to the infirmary together to see how Jace is going. Honestly, he hasn't changed much. Well, other than the whole bound-to-Sebastian thing. After cracking jokes, he makes Isabelle leave the room, then turns to talk to me.

"I heard about what happened," he says.

I am taken aback for a moment. "Heard what?"

"Heard about you and Magnus."

And just like that, my wounds become fresh again. "Oh. Well, it's not something I really want to talk about, Jace. Just so you know that."

He sighs. "Ok. Well, I'm here for you."

"What?"

Jace chuckles. "Don't act so surprised. After everything you have done for me, I might as well do something for you in return. Just so I can stop feeling like a total jackass."

I laugh at him. "You're not a jackass. And that means a lot, brother. Never thought you had it in you."

"Ah, what can I say?" he says, smiling. "I am just amazing, am I not?"

"Modest, too." I chuckle, punching him in the shoulder.

We talk about other things for a while, like Clary, Isabelle and what Sebastian's next move might be. A while later, he starts yawning, so I make some sort of whack excuse about having to go back to training so he can rest. As I leave the room, I turn back at the door to see Jace sleeping. His golden hair forms a halo around his relaxed face, his lips forming a slight smile. I smile inwardly to myself, slowly closing the door to the infirmary and walking down the hall.

That night, I fall into another deep sleep. But this time, it isn't the same.

I emerge into a room of white. I seem to be floating, and for a moment, it seems peaceful. Quiet. I am about to relax when I hear the familiar voice.

"Alexander Gideon Lightwood."

And that's when everything comes rushing back to me. Like a tidal wave out of nowhere. One moment I'm relaxed, and the next, I feel like I'm drowning. I hear voices. My own, Isabelle's, Jace's, Clary's.

Magnus's.

"_That does not give you the right to make the length of my life your choice and not mine._"

"_You've changed, Alec. You have changed for the good._"

"_If you were honest, you'd admit this tantrum is just because you're in love with him."_

"_I always need your strength, Alec."_

"_Such a shame that no one will be able to inherit his blue eyes."_

The voices whirl around me. Whispering, shouting. I hear myself cry out, begging the voices to stop. Each word is unravelling me, every voice torturing me. After a while, the voices stop. But I hear the last three words as clear as day.

"_Aku cinta kamu."_

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**Hope you liked that. I am writing the next chapter in a different point of view, just to mix it up a bit. Please leave a review!**

**Thanks for reading :)**


	3. Helpless - Isabelle's POV

**Thank you to everyone th****at has followed the story. I'm glad you like reading it.**

**This is a short chapter in Isabelle's POV. I thought it might be interesting to write what was going on in Isabelle's head through all of this. People will be a little out of character in this chapter, but I hope you enjoy reading it anyway :)**

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I am completely torn. I feel grief for my brother. But at the same time, I knew it was bound to happen.

This is why I have been so closed off from love. Because giving your heart away to someone gives _them _the power to hurt you. And suddenly, you are weak. Because you are so blinded by love that you cannot see the impending future. Things will go wrong. They will hurt you. They will leave you. And you will be left heartbroken.

I watched Jace give his heart to Clary. For a while, I was sickened. Annoyed. But when I got to know Clary, I realized she loved him just as much as he loved her. And their love was stronger than I gave them credit for. So I relaxed on the matter. But I'm still keeping my eye on them.

But I was really worried about Alec. I watched as he hesitantly gave his heart to Magnus. And I was scared for him. Because I had heard about Magnus's string of lovers. I mean, I didn't blame Magnus. If I was immortal and I had lived for that long, I probably would have ended up the same as he had. But I just didn't want him to hurt my brother. I loved him. Even though he was older than me, and protecting me was his job, I still felt the need to protect him too.

He and Magnus slowly grew together, until they became like some sort of married couple. It was kind of weird, from my point of view. But for the first time in my life, I had seen him truly happy. And I was happy too, because he was finally doing something for himself instead of putting everyone's safety and happiness before his own. I was happy for him. And I thought they were going to last until Alec had come back to the Institute. When I asked him why he wasn't at Magnus's, and he crumbled, I knew exactly what happened.

It seemed so stupid to me. I had pretty much let my guard down because I saw how happy Alec was. But I don't know whose fault it was. Was it Alec's, for thinking about taking away Magnus's immortality and shortening his life? Or was it Magnus's, for not listening to Alec and ending everything that they had? I guess they both had their wrongs in the situation. But I'm not going to be the one to take sides. I'm not in the relationship.

But I guess I can't be the one to talk right now. I think about Simon, and suddenly my thoughts jumble. I do care about him, I really do. But I'm just not sure if I can give him the love he deserves. He isn't what I'd expect in a guy I would date. He's mostly the opposite. Slightly nerdy, hesitant and clumsy, even for a vampire. And even though I'm still closed off to the idea of love, I can't help but love Simon. Confusing, I know. But isn't that what love is? Confusing?

Or maybe it's just me.

I watch Alec as he walks in, meeting me for breakfast. He looks worn out, bags under his eyes. It seems like he didn't sleep at all last night. When I ask him what's wrong, he remains quiet. When I try to touch him, he flinches, cowering away. His face looks sunken, his eyes shiny with tears that haven't been shed. He needs help, but he won't let me in. And I'm scared for him.

That morning, I go to visit Jace in the Infirmary.

"Where's Alec?" he asks. I shake my head in despair.

"He's gotten worse. I don't know what happened or how it could have happened in one night, but he has gotten worse. He looks like he hasn't gotten any sleep, like he's been up crying. I don't know what to do, he won't let me help him and I'm scared, Jace. I'm really scared,"

That's when I start crying. But not for me. I cry for Alec, for all the pain he's going through. He's a good person, and I can't bear to see him hurting like this. I can't bear to see him broken hearted. So I cry, because I can't take seeing him in pain anymore. Jace wraps his arms around me in a hug, and we stay like that for a while. Me, crying into his shoulder, and him, his arms wrapped around my shaking body.

I try speaking again. "It's just…he's always been there for me. For both of us. He's always looked out for us and kept us safe. But now that he's hurting, I have no idea what to do. I want to help him, but I don't know how. And I hate myself for it."

"I know," says Jace. And I swear I can hear his voice waver.

We pull apart, and I wipe my eyes on the sleeve of my t-shirt. I feel so awkward. I rarely cry on my own, and me crying in front of others happens once in a blue moon. But Jace just sits there like it's no big deal. After I'm done wiping away my sob fest, he puts a hand on my shoulder and looks me in the eye.

"We will help Alec," he says. "Even though we don't know how to right now, we'll find a way. Because we owe it to him."

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**Hope that was good. Leave a review if you want, and follow if you haven't already. Thanks for reading :)**


	4. Victim - Magnus's POV

**Sorry for the late update. I just got back to school and I've been trying to get myself sorted out before continuing with my fanfics. But here's the next update. It's in Magnus's POV, I thought it'd be interesting to write his take on events. Just so you're not confused, this takes place on the same day as the previous chapter.**

**Enjoy!**

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I have experienced many relationships throughout my life span. I have never felt like this. Why do I feel like this?

I sit on my comfortable sofa, wearing plain black pants, a black singlet and my Chinese silk robe. My face is bare of any makeup and my hair hangs limp on my head. I have never been like this before. I'm starting to scare myself. But I can't snap myself out of this phase and I don't know why.

I remember walking back into my apartment the day after I broke up with Alec. I had done nothing special that day, just walk around the city with my hands in my pockets, staring at the ground like it was the most interesting thing in the world. I could see it in his face when I backed away from him in that train tunnel. All the hurt, all the pain, all the regret in his lovely blue eyes. I loved Alexander Lightwood. But I couldn't get over what he tried to do to me.

Then setting foot in the apartment, I felt like something was missing. The warmth, the special mark that meant Alec was here. The dark sweaters and plain clothes were gone from the drawers, his gear absent from the cupboard. I found some photos of us in my paper bin. I searched every shelf, every space, every hidden nook and cranny in the entire apartment. He had taken everything of his, leaving nothing behind but a scrawled note saying he loved me and he would never forget me.

After that, I took myself to my bedroom window and cast a spell that let me see through the window into wherever Alec was. I saw him in the hallway of the Institute, crying while Isabelle had wrapped her arms around him. If my heart hadn't already been broken into little pieces, in that moment, it shattered. I watched him cry. And my conscience wouldn't let me forget that _I _had caused him that pain.

I wiped the scene clear from the window as if I was wiping a stain from a bench top. Then I slowly sunk to the floor and curled myself into the foetal position. It broke my heart to see Alec so hurt. I knew he would have been devastated, but I wasn't prepared for the effect it had on me. I still loved him, more than I thought I would. More than I should have. But I had to leave him. He tried to take away my immortality, make me prone to ageing and an imminent death. Even though it broke my heart, I had to.

That's what I kept telling myself, repeating it like a silent mantra in my head. The next day I made myself a cup of plain black coffee and sat on the couch, watching a soppy romance movie. I wasn't really paying much attention to it, anyway.

That day, my buzzer had sounded. I ran down the stairs, slightly hoping it was Alec. Instead I found another note. I took it back up to my apartment, opened it and carefully read it.

_Magnus Bane,_

_A death has recently occured. Some say you have known her for a long time. The name is Camille Belcourt, head of the vampire clan in Brooklyn. You have been listed as a suspect and are required for questioning at the New York Institute tomorrow._

_Yours in the Covenant,  
Maryse Lightwood_

I had no choice, really. I had to go, or the Clave would kick my ass. Damn them and their Accords.

I showed up on the doorstep of the Institute, looking quite plain. Faded black jeans, grey sweater, black jacket with clunky black boots. My face was clear of makeup and my hair flopped over my cat-like eyes.

To be honest, I wasn't surprised to hear of Camille's death. She had it coming. I wonder if Alec did it, then covered up his tracks afterwards. Whoever did it, it certainly wasn't me. Even though I am a warlock, I can't kill people in my sleep.

I was led into Maryse's office, and offered a chair which I hastily sat down in. Maryse's office smelt like ashes. And even weirdly, it also carried the faint smell of bleach. Maryse took her seat behind her desk and turned to face me.

Maryse leaned onto her desk. "I'm just going to come out and ask it," she said firmly. "Did you kill Camille Belcourt?"

I looked her straight in the eye. "No."

She sighs. "You know, if you just gave yourself up, this would be a whole lot easier. But if you want your punishment to be tougher-"

I cut her off. "Do you think I want to admit to killing someone I didn't even touch that night? No. I wasn't there. I know I hold no faerie blood so I can easily lie, but this is the bleak truth. I did _not _kill her."

"Well, who else would it be?" she asked. "You've known her for many years. Surely you've had some history, and under that, a little thirst for revenge?"

I lean back in my chair, eyes narrowed. "You're right. I knew Camille Belcourt hundreds of years before you were born. We did have history. And whilst our relationship ended quite messily, I did not have any desire to kill her. Therefore, I did not."

"You're hiding something, Magnus Bane," she sneered at me. "And I won't stop until I find out your dirty little secret."

I clench my fists, feeling the blue sparks rise to the surface with my anger. Just before I was about to burst, I heard that familiar voice.

"It wasn't him."

Maryse and I whip around to see Alec at the office door. He's wearing baggy track pants and a grey and black striped t-shirt. His eyes look bloodshot and his frame holds the hunch of a hopeless soul.

Maryse glares at Alec. "Alexander, this is none of your concern."

Alec rolls his eyes at his mother. "I was there that night. Looking for Camille. Instead I found the little girl. The rogue vampire, Maureen. She killed Camille. She is now Head of the New York vampire clan.

Maryse and I both blink at Alec. She looks just as astonished as I am. It all sounds too twisted to be true. I mean, a little girl taking over an entire clan of vampires? But then again, this story could save my tail.

Maryse looks at her son, professionally, no ounce of love or compassion in her stare. "Are you absolutely sure?"

Alec nods slowly. "I swear on the Angel."

Maryse sighs. "Then we shall look more into this…_Maureen. _I apologise for the inconvenience I have caused you, Magnus. Alexander shall show you out. Thank you for your cooperation."

I stand and walk briskly from the room to find Alec already halfway down the hall. I jog to keep up with him, then stay a few metres behind him to avoid any awkward moments. When we reach the door, I turn back to him.

"Why did you do it? Why did you make up that story?" I ask him.

He stares me down, his blue eyes piercing whatever control I have left. "I did it because it was true. Maureen did kill Camille. She is now the Head of the vampire clan. You should know well enough to know that when I swear on the Angel, I am wholeheartedly honest."

I gasp. "So you weren't joking?"

"I wasn't. And she might be coming for you next. So watch your back," he says.

I exhale as if I had been holding my breath the whole time. "Thanks for the warning."

"Now, can you please leave?" asked Alec forcefully.

I turned around to walk out, but when I reached the doorstep outside, I swivelled around to face Alec once more. "Alexander, about the other night…" I started.

Alec's eyes burned into my skin. "I really don't want to talk about it. And I thought you never wanted to see me again. That's what you said, right?"

"Yeah, I know. I just wanted you to know that I-"

I didn't get to finish. Alec slammed the door in my face and the burst of air hit my skin so hard I felt dizzy. Tears sprang to my eyes from the sudden shock of cold. I leaned on the door and squeezed my eyes shut.

"I just wanted to let you know that I miss you. And I'm sorry," I whispered.

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	5. In Pieces

**Thank you so much for the 13 reviews, 19 followers and 6 favourites. You are all just amazing and I'm glad you like my story :)**

**To show my appreciation, here's a super short Alec POV on his events after Magnus's visit.**** Enjoy :)**

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I didn't want to hear what he had to say. He hurt me. He had no right to say _anything._

I slammed the door in his face, watching the shock flash before me before the heavy wood of the door crashed shut. Then I just stood there, in shock of what I just did before I noticed something. A blue handprint, glimmering like blue sparks appeared on the dark, weathered wood. I knew it was him, leaning against the door.

I put my hand on the door, right over the handprint until it disappeared and I knew he was gone.

I missed Magnus, I truly did. But just last night, he appeared in my dreams telling me he loved me in a foreign language. When I woke up, my heart was torn to pieces from the voices in my head and the last three whispered words. The dream ruined me. I don't think I will be sleeping tonight.

Magnus ruined my life through one dream, and I hated him for it.

Why couldn't he just leave me alone? He ended everything, does he have to make it worse by tormenting me in my sleep? Him turning up today made everything worse. He wore no makeup and plain clothes, his hair drooping over his head instead of it being in its usual crazy spikes. He was affected by this just as I was and I could see it clearly. But we couldn't get back together. Apparently I didn't trust him and he thinks I'd sell him out again, trying to take away his immortality.

_He _said he never wanted to see me again. _He _was the one who felt betrayed. _He _was the one who didn't listen to me. _He _thought I didn't trust him. _He _was the one who broke things off and left me empty. And now _he _has the audacity to act like the victim here?

He hurt me. _He _hurt _me._

I hate him.

I love him.

Why did love have to be so complicated?

I walked back through the Institute halls with my eyes on the floor. As I turned the corner onto the hall of the infirmary, I could hear someone crying. So I walked towards the door of the room.

And I saw Isabelle.

She was sitting with Jace on one of the beds, bawling her eyes out. Her head rested on Jace's shoulder as she wept, Jace patting her on the back with a worried look on his face. Both of them remained oblivious to me, so I hid behind the door and watched on as she pulled away and wiped away her tears. Then I saw Jace look her in the eye.

"We will help Alec. Even though we don't know how to right now, we'll find a way," Jace says, "Because we owe it to him."

I couldn't take any more of that, so I briskly walked away from the door and towards my own bedroom.

They were crying over me? Sad over me? They're wasting their tears on me, the broken boy who dated a warlock and made a bargain with a vampire which turned out to be a huge mistake. Isabelle never cried, and there she was, tears streaming tracks down her face.

She really was worried about me.

I really am spiralling down into madness.

I practically ran through the door and bombed onto the bed, burying myself under the covers. The silence was unnerving, so I switched on the old radio sitting on my bedside table. A song had just started to play, by a band or an artist I had never heard of before.

_You're in my air._

_Every breath that I take._

_I can't escape, ooh._

The lyrics catch my attention. The song sounds like it's singing my situation already.

_Everywhere I go, I feel your stare, like you're there._

_Can't you see I'm scattered? _

_Like memories from the past._

_Shattered, like a bullet through glass._

Tears start to stream down my face as the song progresses. I wipe them away hastily before they fall into my ears and become incredibly annoying.

_I'm in pieces of what might have been._

_Every night I'm spending sleepless. Smoking cigarettes til 3 AM._

_In an empty bed and I can't get you out of my head._

The tears stream faster and faster and I turn on my side, clutching my knees to my chest like I used to do when I was scared. But nothing could stop the tears from escaping.

_You burnt your name into my heart, where it's scarred._

_I can't erase you from me. Your soul and mine, intertwined._

_You cut the line and I'm drifting, holding onto the past._

_Memories, like a bullet through glass._

I couldn't hold it in anymore. I couldn't pretend like I was fine, like nothing was wrong. The tears turned into me crying my eyes out, my arms hugging my knees so hard I feel like my spine might break. The chorus rang out as I cried. Then I started to get tired and drowsy from all my crying, from pretending like nothing was wrong. I started to drift to sleep, still hearing the song play on the radio as I fell into slumber.

_Out of my head, out of my life, out of my dreams._

_Broken emotion._

_You left me in pieces._

* * *

**Hope you liked it! The song I used in this chapter is called "In Pieces" by Shannon Noll.**

**Things will start to get interesting in the following chapters.**

**Just so you know, this story isn't going to be SUPER LONG, so you will all get your ending quite soon. Will it be a happy one? We'll have to wait and see ;)**

**Leave a review if you like, follow and favourite. Thanks for reading! :)**


	6. Bittersweet Remedy

**Hey guys! Here's the next chapter.**

**This is really just a super short filler chapter. I have been super busy trying to meet deadlines for school, but I've managed to keep up my writing.**

**Anyway, hope you like it! :)**

* * *

"_You love me?" I ask him. I am shocked to hear him say that after everything. "But if you love me, then-"_

"_Why did I leave you?" he replies. "You tried to shorten my life."_

"_I realised that was a mistake!" I screamed. "All the tears I cried, all the hours I sat in bed staring at a goddamn wall were all for nothing because you were messed up and fickle! I can't believe you, Magnus, I just can't-"_

"_Won't you just try seeing it from my point of view, Alec? I loved you. But you didn't trust me enough to realise that I had moved away from my past and I loved you. Only you, Alec. Camille didn't even matter to me anymore. No one did, once I saw you. But it seemed to me like that wasn't enough for you, wasn't it?" says Magnus._

_I squeeze my eyes shut. "It was. I loved you. But I kept seeing Camille because she was the only one I could go to since you were so secretive with your past. You didn't trust me and you know it."_

_That stops him in his tracks. _

_I exhale roughly. "That night I was going back to Camille to call off the agreement as well as talk to her. She knew you so well, in a way I wished I could know you. I never meant to hurt you. That was the last thing I wanted to do. But then she told you and you were upset. I just wanted to know you, Magnus. Is that too much to ask?"_

_His cat eyes stared at me, then they closed in pain. He started to sink to the ground. I try to walk over to him, but instead I hit a wall. A sort of force field._

_I look through the barrier to see Magnus, his arms wrapped around himself. I can see clear enough to notice the tears falling down his face._

"_Magnus?" I call out. "Magnus, let me in!"_

_I can hear his strained voice loud and clear. "No."_

"_Magnus, please!"_

"_No!" he screams. "I'm mad. My power's too strong, I might hurt you."_

_I sigh. "Then please come here."_

_He stands up out of his crouching position and walks over to the end of the force field. I put my hand against the flickering wall of energy. He mirrors my movement and puts his hand over where mine is. I can feel his warmth through the force field, smell the sandalwood on him as I look into his slanted eyes._

"_Everything will be alright," I whisper. "I promise, Magnus."_

_The tears flow from his eyes. "I love you, Alec."_

_My throat is suddenly tight. I have never heard him say that with so much pain and desperation in his voice. The sound of him is enough to make my eyes blur with my own tears._

"_Alec."_

_I jump in shock. That was not Magnus's voice. I look into Magnus's eyes again just in time to see the whole vision fall out of place. I try to stay with him, but the vision falls through my grip like grains of sand falling through my fingers._

* * *

"Alec? Are you there?"

I wake up in my bed to find Jace standing at my door. His gold eyes are shadowed with worry as I sit up and wipe away traces of sleep.

"Jace? What's wrong?" I ask. "Aren't you supposed to be in the Infirmary?"

His eyes are shining with tears that he will never shed. "It's Clary."

I am suddenly awake. He would never be so close to crying if it wasn't _this _bad. I jump off my bed. "What about Clary?"

He sighs. "She's under attack. Both her and Jocelyn. Sebastian's back, and he's ambushed her house with demons. We don't have much time."

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**Hm, so did you like the ending? Things will get pretty interesting in the next few chapters, so stay tuned!**

**Thanks for reading! :)**


	7. Sacrifice

**So incredibly sorry for the SUPER SLOW update! Anyway, here's the next chapter. **

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Jace walks briskly down the hall, me following right on his heels.

"How did this happen?" I ask. "When? Why did he want to ambush _her _and not us?"

He laughs bitterly. "They're siblings. I guess you also missed the fact that he wanted to _marry _her. He's in love with her. Weird, I know. But he'd do anything to get to her and make her love him. My guess is he wanted to take Clary and kill Jocelyn in revenge for leaving him."

My heart contracts. Not for Clary, but for Jace. He is my _parabatai._ If Clary died, he'd surely die with her.

We stride into the weapons room quickly. Jace arms himself with a few seraph blades while I grab a bow and a quiver of arrows off a hanging rack. I check the string is tight and strong, and my quiver has a full set of twelve arrows. Isabelle runs in shortly after, her shiny golden whip already wrapped around her wrist, ready to go. She straps a few daggers onto her thighs and shoves two knives down her shoes, one in each boot. She lets her black dress fall over her thighs, concealing her weapons. Slipping a black padded vest onto her shoulders, Isabelle is all set. She reminds me of an evil cheerleader.

All of us walk out of the Institute, determination in our eyes and confidence in our stride. We find Clary's house easy enough.

When we get inside, it's a train wreck. There's chairs upturned everywhere, torn shards of t-shirts and other items of clothing strewn all over the place and the overpowering stink of demons in the air. Jace is in front of me, and I can sense his stress. His shoulders tighten, his back relaxing and contracting with his quick and deep breaths. I reach behind my back for an arrow and string it on my bow, ready for anything. Isabelle uncoils her whip from her wrist swiftly. We all stand in Clary's living room, ready to spring into action.

That's when we hear the scream. The horrifying, harrowing, high-pitched screech that chills my bones and sends Jace into a frenzy.

"Clary?!" Jace screams. "_Clary!"_

Jace takes off running towards what I presume is Clary's bedroom. Izzy and I have no choice but to follow him. He flings the door open just as I hear another scream and a crash. We burst inside after him and take in the scene.

Clary's room is a whole world of drawings and graphic sketches that pulls me into a trance for a split second. Then I take in the rest of the room. Her bed is in pieces, the covers all ruined. All her clothes are everywhere, every piece of furniture broken. Clary is near the window, clutching a kitchen knife in one hand and her stele in the other. And in the middle of the room is a huge, towering demon with beady red eyes and black, scaly skin. It has huge claws and teeth, as well as enormous feet.

"Clary! What happened? Where's Jocelyn?" screams Jace.

The demon launches itself at Clary, but Isabelle flings her whip at it and it grabs at its neck, distracting it for a while. Isabelle keeps the demon busy while Clary runs over to me and Jace, her eyes red with tears.

"It's too late," she says. "Sebastian already took off with her. He tried to take me, but when I was too stubborn to go, he left this demon to try take me. Now the demon is trying to kill me."

As soon as Clary finishes speaking, two more demons burst through Clary's window, shattering it to pieces. Clary throws the knife she's holding at one of them, lodging it in the creature's tail and sticking it to the floor.

"I'll go get more weapons!" says Clary.

"What more weapons do you have?!" I yell. "You've lived as a mundane for fifteen years, this house is hardly a weapons room!"

"No, but I have a kitchen full to the brim with knives!" she yells at me as she runs out of the room.

I turn my attention back to the demons, grabbing an arrow and shooting it at the demon Jace is fighting, hitting it in the eye. Clary runs back into the room with more knives, flinging another knife at the demon nearest to the remains of her wardrobe. I shoot an arrow at its chest and the demon disintegrates, folding in on itself until it disappears.

Clary and I both stare at each other. I've just helped her kill a demon.

"Guys!" screams Isabelle. "I need a little help here!"

We both snap out of our trances and walk over the rubble to help Isabelle. She's not doing too bad, but the demon is close to overpowering her. She is already covered in bloody gashes, but she's still fighting. Clary lodges a knife in one shoulder to distract it. The demon turns around and tears the quiver of arrows off my back. Luckily, I've already got an arrow on my bow ready to fly. Whilst it turns its attention to Clary, I shoot the arrow into the demon's chest, making it disappear.

As the demon disappears, I hear a loud yell from Jace. I swivel around to see the bloody wound in his shoulder and the demon going for a second blow.

Clary throws a knife at the demon, hitting it in the lower back. It turns around and starts for Clary. Clary starts to back towards the wall, stele in hand. Jace starts to scream for Clary, but is immobilised by the wound in his shoulder.

Clary is out of knives. I have no arrows.

The demon is a metre away from Clary. Clary raises her arms to shield her face as I reflect on a previous thought.

_Jace is my_ parabatai. _If Clary died, he'd surely die with her._

I know what I need to do. I have to do this. For Jace.

I push Clary aside. Everything suddenly moves in slow motion, and I only get to see Jace and Izzy stare at me in horror for a few moments before the claws of the demon rake deep gashes across my chest. Deep enough to skim the bones of my ribcage. Izzy screams as I fall to my knees, the heat of the sharp pain spreading everywhere. My vision darkens and I feel my head hit the wooden floor.

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**Hate to leave you guys on a cliffhanger...a little evil for me, haha :p**

**Anyway, I will do my best to update soon. Meanwhile, leave a review of some sort, I always love to read them! What do you think will happen next?**

**Thanks for reading :)**


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